Q: I... am a writer [applause]

The new balance sneakers I was so dying to have came today. Size 14. I am an 8.5. I was upset.

Later in the day I thought I'd swing by Famous Footwear and see if I couldn't right a wrong (or write a wrong, we'll see where this is headed). I got a comparable pair for, wait did he overcharge me? I have to go back. I go back. I wait in line and then a woman and her child blatantly cut in front of me. A little disclosure of famous footwear at this hour. Checkout boy, in his early 30's, has "take me to the back room and give it to me up the butt" body language. I think he may have intentionally overcharged me, which I admire a little. I feel capitalism, in all it's forms, is finding a way to take advantage of another person. This clerk's chosen means of making capital is to steal. To tell you the truth people who steal are pussies. They don't taret a people. Famous footwear, home depot all this shit stores target people who believe too much in themselves. They buy this shit thinking they are going to be a little better off. Well the sooner these people, myself included, run out of money, and now credit, we can get back to what we were doing, if there is anyone alive who remembers what we were doing, or any dream inside of us... wtf. Do you see the shit I have been fed?

"I have flat feet." what I should have said: Take the red pill next time. You are what you believe in and from the looks of it you and mommy are going down with the flat foot ship and this bull shark, I mean dyke, is going to chop my head off if I throw out another possibility, which would be "you are kinda fat. I am guessing you are lazy. You could be sensitive. In mexico are there kids who are born with flat feet?"

I saw my dad in a dude who came into home depot. Maybe me too. His kids were super cute, and innocent and he encouraged playing and wonder. But when then took too long, snap. Was that my dad or my mom? or just me? My dad was more like the hasidic guy who's buying of nine topsy turvy upside down tomato growers was going to prove to the others. Whatever that prove was.

And the blog is called eyebrow growing pains because evrytime I don't speak up my eyebrow hair grows longer and I get zits.